Nemeship
by Questionable Answers
Summary: Doctor Doof is more of a nuisance than a danger, Major Monogram believes that a top agent like Perry could be more useful fighting other more evil villains. Perry disagrees. *Not Romance*


_Friendly author warning here. This makes frequent vague references to multiple episodes and the movie. So I guess what I'm saying is spoiler alert._

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It was early morning when Perry's watch beeped an alert that secret agent P was needed in the lair as soon as possible. Perry sighed with faint annoyance. This was supposed to be his day off. He and Heinz had an unspoken agreement that Sundays were non-evil days ever since Vanessa had pitched a fit (you'd never get her to admit to that) during a scheme a few months ago. Heinz promised to spend less time being evil and more time with his daughter, and Perry got to relax at home with his boys. Major Monogram had been hesitant at first, there was no guarantee that the evil inventor would keep his implicit word, but Perry was certain. Whatever they needed agent P for today would not be Doofenshmirtz' doing.

"What do you want to do today, Perry?" Phineas asked the platypus without looking down. Ferb and Phineas had already picked up the new pattern, the clever pups. Perry disappeared most mornings, but on Sunday the brothers made sure to include their beloved pet in their schemes. Perry winced as he ducked behind a bush and out of sight. "Perry?" Phineas asked again, confused. "Hey. Where's Perry?" Major Monogram better have a good reason for bringing him in today. Perry hated disappointing his boys.

Perry snuck around the corner of the house and donned the classic fedora, his whole demeanor changed. It was time to get to work. When Perry accepted this hat as a symbol of his Agent status all those years ago, he accepted with it a responsibility to protect humanity and a loyalty to the O.W.C.A. The organization itself in turn promised to provide Perry training, gear and direction, as well as a family. The Flynn-Fletchers were Perry's family, and the O.W.C.A was Perry's family, heck, Perry even got his very own nemesis.

It was with this determination that Perry to one last longing look into the sunny backyard before he whooshed away through the system of tubes under the Flynn-Fletcher household. He felt himself plopped into his favorite red chair quickly and cleanly, something that he could never really be sure would happen what with unexpected repairs and faulty intelligence from the maintenance crew. The jumbo screen in front of him flickered on, and agent P was greeted by the familiar moustached face of Major Monogram. Agent P narrowed his eyes slightly. Something was off today, apart from that fact that it was Sunday and he should be lounging mindlessly in the sun right now.

"Ah, good morning Agent P. Sorry to bother you on your day off, but Carl finally got around to sorting and analyzing all of your reports on Doofenshmirtz' evil schemes." "There were a lot of them sir-!" "Quiet Carl! Anyway, Agent P, Carl brought a surprising pattern to our attention. It seems that the evil Doctor Doofenshmirtz is becoming progressively _less_ evil since you became his nemesis three years ago."

Perry just gave the giant screen a blank stare. They were interrupting a day of fun adventures for this? Major Monogram simply continued "At first we thought that maybe he was just running out of ideas, but Carl pointed out that the -inators are more creative now than ever. Just less evil. Really, even if you didn't thwart him, he's not all that dangerous, more of a nuisance actually, and if he continues this pattern away from evil, in a few years he might actually build something useful…" Perry nodded along to the Major's ramblings, wondering if he would ever just get to the point.

"Anyway, getting right to the point, we're downgrading Doofenshmirtz to a minor threat level, meaning that he no longer requires a full time nemesis. You're being reassigned." Perry nodded along, not really paying attention as the words filtered through his conscious mind. He snapped his head up to stare at his superior with wide, disbelieving eyes.

Major Monogram looked somewhat ruffled. "Oh, don't give me that look Agent P. You're one of the best agents we have. We need you out fighting evil, not play fighting a lonely prankster." Perry shook his head violently, nearly dislodging his hat. "What? What do you mean no? If this is about your host family, than don't worry. We're not relocating you. There are a few other villains in the tri-state area who are much better qualified to be your nemesis." Perry pretended to think this over, then shook his head determinedly.

Major Monogram was speaking again, something about 'duty' and 'orders'. Perry didn't care. He thought these humans were supposed to be intelligent. Could they really not see how important his nemesis relationship with the Doctor D actually was? They really had no knowledge of the trust and understanding that had grown between them? Perry didn't wasn't to seem sappy, he was a tough, highly trained secret agent after all. But Heinz said himself that he and the little platypus were friends. Sure, at the time he had been disowning his previous best friend balloony (and really, how sad was that?) but the sentiment was real.

Perry raised a hand, effectively telling his boss to shut up. In the background Carl gasped. Major Monogram sputtered. "Agent P, how dare you-" Perry cut him off and mimed something at him. "What do you mean read the reports again? Do you know how long it took Carl to go through them all? All the hours of unpaid overtime? And you want him to do it again? Are you mad, or just heartless?" "Actually sir I-" "Quiet Carl!"

Perry slapped an open palm against the desk in front of him, glaring at the Major through the screen. The Major glared right back, pitting his authority against the monotremes will power. Minutes ticked by in tense silence. "Fine." Monogram threw his hands in the air. "Carl, forget picking up the dry-cleaning, running the dishwasher and tidying my personal office. You get to read those files again." Perry rolled his eyes at the unnecessary sarcasm as the major left the screen.

An enthusiastic Carl took his place. "Yay! You know Agent P," the young man whispered conspiratorially, "your reports are my favorite to read. You always have the best information in them. Thanks, now I don't have to wash his stinky socks." At this point Carl giggled and looked carefully over his shoulder.

"So agent P, What am I looking for exactly?" There was a reason Perry liked Carl, he was such a nice human and he actually paid attention. He scribbled something into his notepad and held it up. "Backstory? Why, Agent P? I've been through Doctor Doof's backstory, there's nothing all that important there. Sure his life has kind of sucked but…" Perry waved a paw to get the intern's attention. He wrote something else. "Backstory _and_ dimension? That's right. The second dimension's eviler Doof said something about the level of evil being related to the tragicness of the backstory. Alright agent P. I'll see if I can find what I missed. In the meantime, nothing evil is happening right now, so I guess you can go hang out with Phineas and Ferb."

Perry saluted before zipping off back to the surface to see what his boys were up to. He hoped Carl would be clever enough to put two and two together. It was all there in the reports; Perry didn't understand how it was missed in the first place. Perry had first noticed it during the second dimension disaster, but it was undeniable that Heinz Doofenshmirtz was not as evil as he could be. In fact he wasn't even as evil as he used to be. Somewhere in the course of their nemeship, Heinz had mellowed out dramatically. Perry thought he knew why.

Even years ago, when the evil scientist was a lot meaner and scarier to a young animal agent, Perry had liked him. He had big ideas and didn't believe in the impossible, just like another triangle headed inventor, except, y'know, evil. Phineas and Ferb used their imaginations and abilities to create all sorts of wonderful things, why was this man who also had a limitless imagination so bent on living the evil life? Perry wondered about it all through their first battles.

Then one day, Agent P fell into his first trap. It was a few months after the platypus had first met the evil man. Perry had always been very careful to thwart every scheme as quickly as possible; some of them had posed serious threats toward the populace of Danville. He had been so scared, the metal band that clamped around his arms and torso might just as well have been clamped around his heart. Surely his days as an agent were over. Perry had learned in the academy to never trust a nemesis; an evil nemesis will always take the opportunity to get rid of an agent for good. Perry would never see his family again.

"Well, Agent P, I have you now!" Perry flinched back from the accented declaration. "Watch! As I use my 'vote-inator' to change all of the 'Roger Doofenshmirtz' ballots into 'Heinz Doofenshmirtz' ballots! There by thwarting my dear little brother's career and becoming the supreme ruler of the tri-state area!" The platypus was shocked at the villains outburst, not only because the man was making no move to destroy Agent P, but also because he was clearly performing for an audience of one semi-aquatic mammal. The academy hadn't prepared him for this pointless showmanship.

"Now, Agent P, I suppose you're wondering why I want to ruin my little brother's success." Perry blinked, because he was actually wondering just that. Phineas and Ferb would do anything for each other and they weren't even blood related. Why should this man hate his brother so much? "Well I'll tell ya." He said, and Perry listened.

Of course the monologue had given the agent time to escape the trap and proceed to destroy the vote-inator before it could fulfill his purpose, Roger became the mayor and Doctor D was left yelling "curse you Agent P" into the sky. But Perry had listed to the backstory, and he had learned just a little about what made his evil nemesis evil. Ever since then, the platypus let his curiosity get the better of him, and he always tried to get the backstory before thwarting the scheme.

Heinz and Perry gradually hammered out a routine to their encounters, and Perry learned more and more of his nemesis's personal history. Really with everything that the man had been through, it wasn't surprising that he turned evil. One day Perry even let Heinz know his true name. Being cursed as 'agent P' had been getting on his nerves, because really there were a lot of agent P's out there, and Perry didn't like the thought of sharing his nemesis. Other agents would not respect the backstories or the musical numbers.

It wasn't until the misadventure across the second dimension that Perry realized Doctor Doofenshmirtz wasn't really evil. He had been honestly horrified when the 2D Doof ordered the 2D Perry to attack a couple of kids. And then Perry had honestly appreciated 1D Doof's own surprise at his second self, and later his help defeating the eviler Doofenshmirtz.

Since then, Perry and Heinz had grown even closer, both realizing how lucky they were to have the other. Perry wondered over and over why his Doof was nicer than 2D Doof even though 1D Doof had the more tragic backstory of the two. Perry listened. He was willing to bet that the reason this Dimension Heinz hadn't lost that toy train as a boy was because he was never allowed to play with the train set to begin with. He was too busy getting laughed at for wearing girls' clothing, or standing alone in the cold warding off evil spells and spirits, or being completely disowned by his parents and raised by wild cats.

Before the whole dimension mess was cleared up, Perry had discretely shared his thoughts with his second self. The unevilified platyborg had been surprised. He questioned Perry's own experience thoroughly, trying to pinpoint just when things in the second dimension had gone so wrong. The platyborg had only been the evil Doofinshmirtz' nemesis for a few months when he was caught and turned into a puppet.

Perry still didn't know why his Hienz hadn't destroyed him when he had that first chance, but whatever it was, Perry was glad for it. It meant Perry got to stay happy and healthy with his family, the tri-state area stayed a democracy, and Doof got his chance to have a friend who listened. Major Monogram was right to say Dr. Doofinshmirtz was lonely instead of evil, but he was wrong to think Agent P could do more important work elsewhere.

The platypus stepped into the backyard sunshine, tucking his precious fedora out of the way. "Oh there you are Perry. You're just in time, check this out!" Phineas scooped up his beloved pet to take him on a tour of their platypus themed semi-aquatic wonderland: half water park and half amusement park. Perry chattered happily. He hoped Carl would figure it out himself. This kind of stuff was difficult to write in an official report.

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AN: Woop! This is my first fic in this fandom, but I hope for more. I have two or three vague Ideas for fics to companion this one, one from Doof, one from Vanessa and maybe one from Phineas and or ferb.

PS, this is unbeta'd so feel free to point out any mistakes. I did self edit it, but I often miss my own mistakes.


End file.
